Title:  Solid Ground – Part 12 – Sandwich
Author: Xanfan
Rating:  NC-17
Pairing: eventually, X/A
Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives. 
Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.
Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after “Once More with Feeling” He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she ‘came back wrong’, so Tara doesn’t know about her and Spike. Tara doesn’t die, because she isn’t there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.
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Tara awoke slowly, shifting in the arms that held her. She slowly rolled to face her cuddler and she gently brushed a lock of brown hair from the beloved face. She then looked over his shoulder and met the gaze of the slightly smirking brunette petting the arm of the man they had between them. She felt the bed shift behind her and she wondered when her life had gotten to the point that she was unfazed by sleeping in a bed with three other people.

Oh yeah, about the time they arrived in L.A. two weeks ago and quickly realized that Xander had flailing nightmares when he slept, and they got worse when he slept alone. At first Tara had tried to comfort him herself, but had quickly realized that not only was she not physically strong enough to hold him while he struggled, she wasn’t sure if she was emotionally strong enough to listen to his whimpers and pleas alone. So Cordy had joined her and Xander at night. Angel soon joined in the Xander-snuggles and the young man had started to sleep through the night with only the occasional nightmare. Some nights were worse then others, but they got through them just the same. Thank goddess Angel had outfitted most of the rooms with king size beds at Cordy’s instance. Tara held back a giggle in remembrance of the former cheerleader’s, “size does matter, bigger is always better,” explanation for her decision.

She had to admit that it was nice not to be alone in all of this. Tara was very glad she had decided to call Cordy that night. It was probably one of the best decisions she’d ever made.

******

Cordelia absentmindedly stroked the arm of the man she was spooning; she was too comfortable to move just yet. She felt Tara start to wake up and waited for the other woman to shift around.  It was always fun to see the look on the Wiccan’s face in that moment when she remembered she was waking up with three other people in bed with her, two of them male. Cordy couldn’t stop the knowing smirk that crossed her lips when their eyes met. Sometimes she was Xander’s teddy bear and sometimes it was Tara, you never really knew until he hugged you tight like he was never gonna let you go. It was Tara’s turn now to be held by the young man until he woke up, the strong arms wrapped securely around her.

There were worse places to wake up than as a layer in a beautiful people sandwich. Too bad there wasn’t any sex involved. Or not. It almost seemed offensive to even think about sex after you’d held a man through his nightmares about a brutal rape.

But her boy was healing, she knew he was: physically and emotionally. Yesterday he grinned at her. A real grin, not a fake I’m-pretending-everything-is-fine grin, but an honest to goodness real one. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

******

Angel lay still as he felt the other occupants of the bed start to stir. He hated to admit how much he enjoyed waking up beside someone, or someones as it were. Angel had gone a long time without human contact of any sort, which was probably why he had fallen for Buffy so quickly. She had been the first person in over a hundred years who had wanted to touch him. It was also one of the reasons that he blinded himself to some of her faults; he was in awe of the fact that this beautiful young woman willingly held him and allowed him to hold her. And now, he snuggled nightly with not one but three other people. And it didn’t even bother him that it wasn’t about sex; it was about something more important, comfort and friendship.

The soulful vampire heard Xander’s breath start to quicken as Tara and Cordy moved around.  The boy would wake up soon. They had learned from experience that the whole day went a lot better if he didn’t wake up alone.

And the good days were getting more frequent. Tara and Cordy were good for him. The young witch’s sweetness and mothering attitude were supported by her backbone of steel. And his seer’s bluntness and pushiness never quite hid the softness she didn’t want revealed to the world. The two young women balanced each other well, coddling and supporting Xander’s healing process without hindering it by being too lenient. Neither of them put up with letting Xander hide himself away. They encouraged him to hang out with everyone downstairs, or they came to be with him in the suite Angel had cleared for them.

Xander was almost completely healed physically and he was making slow but sure progress healing mentally. But there were still shadows in his eyes, doubts. Like he wasn’t sure why they were here, helping him, caring for and about him. Angel knew the boy struggled with feelings of guilt and low self-worth, misplaced as they were.

Angel wasn’t sure, but he thought being raped by someone you loved was far worse than being raped by a stranger. The betrayal of trust had to be almost unbearable, not to mention the self doubts and fears. Sometimes Angel could almost see the thoughts bouncing about in the young man’s head: “Did I make him do this?” “Was this my fault?” “What did I do wrong?”  And the vampire could see the doubt in Xander’s eyes when they tried to assure him that the blame rested solely with Spike.

Not that they said his name.  They had learned that Xander flinched at the word. And that time they had accidentally turned the TV to VH1 and seen the “Where Are They Now? Punk Rockers” program, that was a mistake they didn’t repeat. Angel was glad that Wesley sounded so uppercrust. Xander never associated the man’s British accent with Spike’s guttersnipe routine.

Angel knew that it would take time and possibly therapy for Xander to fully heal, but he was glad for the little signs that the boy was improving. It made Angel feel less guilty for the growing attachment he was feeling towards the young man, although one of his greatest fears was that Xander would wake up one morning and remember to hate him again. But Angel was pretty sure he could unlive with Xander hating him if he could hear him laugh out loud again.

******

 Xander woke slowly to the feel of a soft body in his arms and someone petting his side and head. Not a bad feeling over all. Not too long ago, it would have been his fantasy to wake up in bed with two women and, he admitted, Angel. Now it was his lifeline, his reality. And he thanked the Powers That Be for whatever moment of compassion they’d had to allow him to have these people by his side through this… ordeal. He knew he didn’t deserve them, hadn’t earned them, but he was oh so grateful for their strength and comfort.

He had felt guilty about leaving Buffy and Willow and Dawn in Sunnydale, especially when they had heard about Warren attacking the house the morning after Sp… the morning after. Thank goodness Willow had been able to remove the bullet and undo the damage it had done to Buffy’s shoulder, but the magic she’d used hadn’t been good magic, and the intensity of it had scared her. Willow finally admitted she had a real problem and asked Giles for help. The coven in Devonshire seemed to be helping and healing her. And with Warren having been apprehended shortly thereafter, things had settled down again.

Xander felt slightly guilty for being relieved that the incident took the focus off of him and what had happened. They only knew that he had been hurt and that he and Tara had gone to L.A. to heal, and possibly start over. Buffy had a moment of clarity and realized that it was probably for the best, at least for Tara, not to be in Sunnydale right now and she didn’t begrudge Tara her Xander-shaped friend. The blonde slayer chose not to look deeper into the explanation for their absence than that.

Xander knew better than to be too relieved that things were going, for lack of a better word, well. It would be like saying, “What’s the worst that could happen?” or “Things can only get better.” Unfortunately, he had lived on a hellmouth too long not to realize that it was probably already too late. He was surrounded by people who cared for him and loved and supported him and he was on the road to recovery; of course bad shit was coming.