Author: Xanfan
Rating: Mature
Pairing: various, including M/M Slash
Summary: Response to challenge found here http://beyondcanon.brain-insane.com/challenges.php?
chalid=38. The Scoobies discover that Buffy’s resurrection has allowed the First to gain a foothold in this
world. Xander is told that the balance must be restored, and the only way to do that is for a Slayer to die.
Who does he choose? Buffy or Faith?
Spoilers: Up to season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel. Cordy never comes back from being a higher being, so, no
beast master.
Warnings: SLASH, CHARACTER DEATH
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.
The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the
owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
__________________________
Lorne sat in his room at the Hyperion, listening to a Patsy Cline cd that Xander had given him several hours
before, his mind replaying the last time he'd seen his friend.
~~~~~~
“Hey Lorne, you got a minute?” Xander asked from the doorway of Lorne’s room.
“For you, I have more than a minute, come on in.” Lorne said.
“Here, Lorne, it's my favorite.” Xander said, handing him a compact disc.
“What’s this for Sweetcheeks?”
“Well, nobody really appreciates country music, the music of pain. But I thought you might. Appreciate it,
that is.” Xander had said.
“Well thank you. I’m a Patsy fan too. Boy, could that woman belt out a tune.” Lorne said.
“She sure could.” Xander agreed. “Hey Lorne, you know how you’re always asking me to sing for you?”
“And you keep telling me no.” Lorne said with a smile.
“Well, I’m ready, if you are.” Xander said, hesitantly.
“Really, all right then, you want to sing tonight at my club?”
“I was thinking I would sing for you now.” Xander said.
“Well sure, Sugarpie, do you need music to sing along to?” Lorne asked.
“If you don’t mind, I was just going to sing without it.”
“Whatever works for you. Are you going to sing me some Patsy?” Lorne asked.
“Actually, I’m thinking of another country lady.” Xander replied, “And Lorne, whatever you see….can we
keep it between us?”
“Sure.” Lorne replied, a little concerned.
Xander took a deep breath, closed his eyes, opened his mouth and sang:
“If I had known the way that this would end,
If I’d a read the last page first,
If I’d a had the strength to walk away,
If I’d a known how this would hurt.
Lorne saw what was to come, what Xander had to do. Lorne saw the boy’s meeting with the Oracles, the
decision he had to make, the choice Xander had made.
I would have loved you anyway,
I’d do it all the same.
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Lorne saw the boy’s love, not just for Angel, but for all of them.
Had I known my heart would break
I’d have loved you anyway.
It’s bittersweet to look back now
Memories withered on the vine
Lorne saw: a little red-headed girl with tears in her eyes, holding a broken yellow crayon;
a beautiful blond teenager dropping a stake in Xander’s path and the words, “Can I have you?”;
a middle-aged man reading from an old book;
A very familiar beautiful brunette with a gleaming smile and vicious comments;
a girl with brown hair and bright eyes looking back in childish adoration;
a short young man with multi-colored hair;
a familiar tall mysterious man with many lifetimes of pain in his eyes;
a feisty brunette, kicking ass, and telling the boy that she would, “steer him around the curves”;
a woman showing up and talking about “interlocking parts”;
a shy-looking blonde with the sweetest smile he’d ever witnessed;
a tall, cornfed, wholesome man with kind eyes;
a bleached-blond vampire, lips brimming with snarky comments;
Wesley, pointing out something in an ancient text;
Gunn showing off his home made battle-axe;
Fred patiently explaining a physics equation, knowing the listener had no idea what she was talking about;
himself, singing on stage.
Lorne saw all the people this boy, no man, loved.
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
Lorne saw Xander taking Angel in his arms for the first time.
I would have loved you anyway
I’d do it all the same
Not second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I’d a loved you anyway
Lorne saw all the heartbreak this boy had experienced over his relatively short life.
Even if I’d seen it coming
You’d still have seen me running straight into your arms.
Lorne saw Xander loving every one of them, without regret.
I would have loved you anyway
I’d do it all the same
Not second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I’d a loved you anyway
Lorne’s heart broke and he wept.
I would’ve loved you anyway”
Xander opened eyes that were wet with tears and looked at Lorne, who was crying just as hard.
“How can I not…..”
“I’m not gonna change my mind. And you can’t tell me this doesn’t need to be done. And you can’t tell me to
just kill one of them.” Xander said stubbornly.
“No, one of them has to die, like the Oracles said, but couldn’t you find another way? Another body?”
“Who else could I ask to die in her place? Who could I kill to make this okay?” Xander asked desperately, as
if he really wanted Lorne to give him an answer.
Lorne just looked at him, knowing that he didn’t have an answer for the man in front of him.
“Why did you sing for me? Why did you want me to know, if not to find another way?” Lorne asked.
“I wanted you to know why I’m doing this. Why I have to. Someone needed to know first hand. Someone
needs to be prepared to help her, when she comes back here. I’ve written letters, but I need you to make
sure she has the chance to give them out. I need you to make sure she has a chance, period. She’s going
to need someone to depend on, someone to be there for her. She’s going to need you.” Xander said
earnestly.
“Please, Lorne. I’ve told her all about you. I don’t know who else to ask, it has to be you.” Xander said.
“All right, Pumpkin. I’ll try and smooth the way for her. Come here and give me a hug.” Lorne said as he
stood and opened his arms to the boy.
Xander stepped into Lorne’s hug, wrapping his own arms around the green demon. “I’m better for having
known you Lorne. Take of them, take care of him, for me.”
“I will sweetie, I will.”
~~~~~~
Later that day, Lorne had watched Xander say goodbye to the others, without them knowing he was saying
goodbye.
He knew the young man would never have been able to survive killing one of ‘his girls' and that no matter
what anyone would say later, for Xander, this had been the only choice he could have made.
He closed his eyes and thought of his friend, who had once said, over a few drinks and too much Chinese
food, and without prompting, “You know Lorne, maybe it's from me spending too much time with the girls, but
I think that yours is a really great shade of green, and that some would choose to be green if they could be
your color green.”
Lorne opened his eyes and straightened his clothing before he headed down stairs. Faith would be here
soon, and he wanted to be there, ready to help however he could, when she arrived.
*Song “I Would’ve Loved You Anyway” by Trisha Yearwood.
Part 6
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